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Reducing Conflict with
Good Communication Skills

One of the good communication skills to have is to know how to reduce conflict, and reduce your sense of conflict.

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Some of you may be thinking that is hard to do, and hopefully after reading this you will see reducing conflict in your communication is very easy, and that anyone can do it.

Those that have done a communication skills workshop with me know what is coming, because they are the ones that have told me this little tip has produced wonderful results for them.

That’s right if they change only this one thing after a workshop they feel they have totally gotten their money’s worth and more from their time spent with me.

Simply Stop using the word “BUT”.

If I called you or emailed you and said this (replace the blank with your name), “__________ that is a good idea, but I was wondering if you thought about…”

How are you feeling right now?

Now if all you do is change that word to “AND”.

“_________ that is a good idea, and I was wondering if you thought about…”

How do you feel?


Crazy isn’t that one little word can make such a big emotional difference, and demonstrate good communication skills.

In the first case the person feels like their decision-making skills, or ideas have been challenged.

In the second case the person feels like the other person is trying to help them.

How do you want your messages to be received?

To make this change start paying attention to how commonly you use “But” in both your verbal communication and your written communication. Try and catch yourself, much easier with the written to catch yourself before you press send. Verbal will take a little more practice.

Simply rewrite or rephrase the message using “AND” instead.

When you receive an e-mail message from someone else, or are listening to someone else pay attention to the button that gets pushed by the use of the word “BUT”. Take a moment to realize the other person doesn’t know this stuff, and rewrite or rephrase what they have said to you with the word “And”. Then reply.

Good Communication Skills include selective use of BUT!

I am confident your response will be different, as will the responses of the people you are communicating with.

Good communication skills take practice, and habits are only developed when you do something new three times.

 If you found this helpful share this so more people STOP USING BUT!!!


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