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Congruent Communication Explained

This article on congruent communication is for perfect you. If you answer  Checked Out,  Tuned Out or just went into ignore/walk away mode for either situation described below.

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When you get the feeling something is not quite right, what do you do? When something doesn’t fit in with the rest of the presentation what do you find yourself doing?

Still not feeling it? Can’t think of a situation – let me help. You walk into a big retail organization and someone comes running up and says, “Can I help you?”

This is the NLP (Neural Linguistic Programming) principle of congruent communication or congruency.

I have to admit when I first learned about this concept it took me some time to get it. That is probably a great thing because now I believe I can simplify it for you and you will be able to quickly put this POWERFUL concept into play in your communication.

Congruent communication – everything has to line up, it needs to be cohesive and fit.

Remember the “Can I help you?” question. If it is said quietly with a timid voice while the person is looking at the floor sheepishly and is giving off the air of I have to do this because I was told to.

Do you believe they will be helpful? You are screaming at this article “NO” inside your mind.  The message and the delivery are not congruent.

Let’s revisit the “Can I help you?” question. You answer, “Yes, I want to know about which XXXXXX is the best?” If they pause, look like you have just asked the question they didn’t want to be asked.

Will you believe them when they say this one? You are screaming at this article “NO” inside your mind. Being unable to help is again not congruent.

Most of us have had similar experiences. Now I want you to think back to the last time you presented something to management where you needed more money.

Was your message designed to be congruent? Was your delivery of that message - body language, tone, tempo – confident and in line with our message that the money need to be spent or else disaster would strike?

Are you feeling like the person at the big box store right now?

When your are doing this the next time you don’t want a piecemeal approach, but instead you are going after an overall look, feel, and theme to it that makes it cohesive .

Only then will your individual points have the power to be seen and received as true and valid.

You already know this stuff there is an old expression about congruent communication and congruency - “Don’t say one thing do another.”

Your message has to line up with your values and beliefs, in the delivery your body language and verbal cues need to be in alignment.

If you don’t believe it nobody else will because they can tell you don’t. If you’re afraid – other people can smell it.

For really important messages (presentations, reports, customer documents) make sure you apply the congruent communication check – does this all line up?

Until next time, keep Discovering your Natural Abilities.

P.S. I look forward to your questions and comments about getting congruent!!


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