A great way to develop conflict resolution skills is learning to defuse another person’s intent.
In business “Conflict” can be defined as a strongly worded conversation between two or more people.
One definition of intent: A person intends a consequence when he or she foresees that it will happen if the given series of acts or omissions continue and desires it to happen.
Remember the brain makes stuff up!
Let's examine how conflict takes place.
Person 1 who we will call the “Initiator” knows they need to talk to Person 2 the “Recipient” (the act) about something that the Initiator believes (foresees) the Recipient will not react or respond to well (consequence).
Conflict Resolution Skills Example:
Bob (Person 1 a member of the general public) walks into a government office to talk to someone about something important to Bob. Bob is thinking in his head on his drive to the government office:
(Bob, a normally confident easygoing guy is experiencing anxiety about this upcoming conversation)
Mary standing behind the counter at the government office and sees Bob walk in.
(In her mind she saying to herself another one, I wonder how this is going to go? I better prepare myself. Mary has some anxiety about the upcoming conversation because she can pickup on Bob’s intention.)
What is Bob’s intention? He is prepared for, expecting and ready to engage in a conflict!
Mary is bracing for a conflict!
The only outcome is conflict.
Both people will be stressed by the heated conversation. Both people will expend too much energy on this conflict. Neither will get what they want.
To resolve the conflict before it ever happens – Mary has to defuse the situation. Defusing the situation means breaking Bobs psyche so his intent for conflict is removed and two people can have a pleasant conversation.
The easiest way to break the intent and interrupt Bob’s psyche is to ask a question he is not expecting.
Mary would say something like “Hi, How are you? When was the last time you where here?” or How many times have you visited us before? Or Do you know who won the Hockey game last night?”
Magic: When you are asked a question you are compelled to answer it.
If it makes you think, that means whatever you were thinking about has to move out so you can process the question.
This is also called a “Distraction” and is why your productivity is so negatively affected by “Distractions”, your intent to get something done is destroyed.
Until next time, keep Discovering your Natural Abilities.
P.S. Let me know how you made out with your new conflict resolution skills - where you able to defuse someone's intent?
P.P.S. Get your copy of the 10 Tips to Reducing Conflict by Clicking HERE.
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